Tears in My Tea
by Adonis blue
Summary: It's well beyond midnight, and a very pregnant Lily can't sleep.


**A/N:** The idea for this came to me as I was craving tea around 3am. Please let me know if it's okay or if I should have just gotten up to make the tea. Either way, I enjoyed writing it, and I hope you enjoy reading it…at least a little. (Just fixing a few punctuation mistakes that somehow managed to escape my detection earlier. Thanks to all who've read & a special thank-you to the reviewers.)

**Disclaimer:** I, of course, do not own any of the characters, plots, etc. of the _Harry Potter_ series. They belong to the incredibly brilliant J. K. Rowling. This is simply my attempt to exercise my imagination.

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**Tears in My Tea**

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"What are you doing?"

Lily Potter jumped and some of the water from the kettle sloshed over the edge of her cup. She exhaled with relief to find that it was only James. These days, you never knew.

"Making tea," was her only reply.

"I can see that," he smiled, amused. "I meant, what are you doing up at 3 o'clock in the morning?"

"I don't know," she added cream and sugar and stirred, shaking the spoon to remove the last clinging droplets of tea. "I suppose I—"

"Couldn't sleep?" he finished for her.

She smiled, "Yeah." Collapsing into a chair at the kitchen table, she clutched her cup in front of her. He sat down, moving his chair as close as possible, and brushed his lips against her temple.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"About what?"

"Why you're drinking tea at 3 o'clock?"

"It's 3:17, to be exact."

He stared at her over his spectacles. They were close enough for that. "I'm serious."

"That would be a first." She smiled, but there was a hint of sadness in her voice.

"Lily." He placed his hand on her arm, sharing his body heat with her. She became aware of how warm he was.

"James." She answered back cheekily. But he continued to stare at her with the same intensity. Relaxing her grip on her teacup, she sighed, surrendering to the one who knew her so well.

"How can we bring a baby into a world like this? How can we do it?" And refusing to look at him, she stared at the wall above the sink.

"Lily!" James exclaimed softly, looking at her in complete shock. "I thought you wanted a baby."

She was slightly affronted at his suggestion, but her expression softened as she realized how much he wanted this baby, too. Reaching up, she cupped her hand on James' face, the beginnings of a beard scratching her palm.

"I do." She said it in earnest, looking directly into his eyes, so there would be no mistaking. "It's just he—"

"She," James interjected.

Lily smiled sadly and continued, "will be so innocent, and—she will be arriving into a world that's so…so…" Lily fumbled. It was one of the few times in her life when she found herself at a loss for words.

"Horrible?" suggested James, "Destructive? Depressing? Devastated? … Chaotic!" His eyes lit up with excitement and pride in this last suggestion.

Her hand fell from his face. "I thought you were here to cheer me up?"

"There you go again, jumping to conclusions." Lily caught sight of the boyish delight on his face and laughed in spite of herself.

Before she knew it, her body shook uncontrollably, and warm, salty tears coursed down her cheeks, falling anywhere and everywhere. Still, she laughed.

"Lily?" James looked at her in alarm as he felt the wet droplets fall on his arm. "Bloody—" he cursed softly, standing and pulling her up with him. He would have held her right there, but a combination of her ever-growing belly and the kitchen chairs prevented it. Instead, he slid his arm along her waistline and guided her small, trembling frame into the living room.

Lowering her gingerly onto the couch as if she were a porcelain statue, James made sure his wife was comfortable before sidling close beside her. He replaced his left arm on her waist, and took her delicate left hand in his bigger, rougher right. She had quieted some.

His exhale was slightly ragged--her crying still unnerved him.

"I hate it when you do that," he whispered, tilting his head to get a better look at her downcast face. "I never know whether you're laughing or crying."

Lily choked and fought to control herself. "Both, I suppose." Then, after a pause, she added, "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry about," James shook his head dejectedly. "I was being stupid. As usual, I try to make things better, and they end up worse."

Removing his hand from within hers, he instead cradled the side of her head and brought it forward to plant a kiss in the midst of her messy auburn waves. "Forgive me?"

A sob escaped her, and James helped her head find its place on his shoulder. A few defiant tears escaped her hold and fell onto James' exposed skin. Still, he did not flinch, but continued to run his hand down her hair.

"Maybe," Lily sniffed, "if you give me a _real_ kiss." She was attempting to brush off the incident--to make everything "happily ever after" again.

When James failed to make a cheeky response, Lily furrowed her brows and bit her lip in order to stay the flood gates in the corner of her eyes. Searching frantically for a distraction, she fell to watching a nearby candle flame dance and flicker. It threw desperate shadows on the wall, mirroring her inner desperation that grew as the baby's due date swiftly approached.

Eventually, her breathing fell in-time with James' stroking. And when he finally spoke, his words fit into the regular pattern. "That's it."

Lily did not move her head from the groove on James' shoulder, and her eyes remained glued to the tiny light. "What's it?"

"Innocence," James breathed into her ear.

And even before he continued, she knew. She understood, because the words were in her heart. They had been there all along.

"That's what we're living for. Fighting for. It's all for her—" he tilted his head to examine Lily, "eh, alright--him."

Lily Evans Potter lifted her head to look into the rich hazel eyes of her husband. The candlelight made his glasses glow and gold flecks appear in his irises. She nodded, shaking the last remnants of tears from her face. As she did so, the corners of her mouth curved into a small smile, complementing her full lips. James noticed how red they appeared in the darkness.

And he leaned over to give her a "real" kiss, all thoughts of tea forgotten.

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All reviews are greatly appreciated (especially constructive criticism—I need your help to become a better writer.)

Did anyone catch Harry's birth date (day & month) in there? If not, don't be disappointed; I didn't really expect anyone to notice.

**Credit where it's due:** James' statement about Lily's laugh-crying really wasn't my idea. I stole it from a comment made by my friend about me. So, Mike, although you'll never read this: thanks.


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